Monsters
by Nova Mirage
Summary: 'Because as soon as you closed your eyes, the images flooded in. Darkness, whisperings of things so evil they were better off forgotten. Howling shrieks that sent chills down your spine. Not to mention, what you actually saw in the light. Tortured faces, monsters reforming slowly…'/ One-shot about Nico's feelings after getting out of Tartarus. (In second person.)


**Disclaimer: I don't own PJO/HoO.**

**Also, this is supposed to be set sometime after Nico got out of Tartarus.**

**(I have no idea how this turned out to be in second person. It just happened.)**

* * *

Weighing on your heart so relentlessly, it's become your lifeline and necessity. When the world around you is shifting and turning at a dizzying rate, you can only hold onto your anchor with all your might.

As soon as you would let go, everything would float away.

You would shatter.

Your glue, your constant reminder; the only thing that keeps you together. Without it, you wouldn't function.

Everything is not all right. You cannot let go, despite the others telling you that you must. What do they know? It's not them that have to deal with the memories. They don't feel what you do, understand how you keep yourself in place.

They won't, either, because it's not something you'd let them know.

Secrets revealed lose their magic. If you were to explain, whatever is holding you down and in one piece could break. And you couldn't let them bear this on their shoulders, too; they have enough to deal with already.

That old saying about letting things go and how they return is founded on lies. If you were to let go, there would be nothing to come back. A broken glass isn't of much use. Letting tigers out of a cage won't save the people; if anything, it would doom them. Besides, you were aware that it wasn't healthy. If you gave in to them and released it, there's no telling what would happen to you. To them as well.

But caged birds are safe. No flying away. You weren't the cage; no, that was your burden's job. You were the bird.

Maybe breaking your wings would contain you if your cage was disassembled.

Your friends, your family, they were all trying to dissect you like a dead animal. They wanted to know why you did this to yourself. Why couldn't they realize that you had your reasons? You needed to think that it was your fault for everything.

Attachment is important, because kites wouldn't work right without string.

Or, if you were Icarus, it was the wax holding together whatever was keeping you aloft. When that melted, all you could do was plummet into the sea. The dark depths were waiting to swallow you whole and provide no escape, but you weren't ready for that.

Maybe the cracks were what mended you.

Like a porcelain figure, your destiny was to one day fall apart. But there were only fractures right now, because the adhesive was doing its job.

Perhaps, though, insanity was better. Perhaps all you were doing was ripping apart by holding on. Was being mad any better? Would the world seem kinder, and fate less cruel?

Would it make you forget? While you wanted to stay sane, insanity seemed secure, in a way. It might take your mind off what you saw.

Allowing yourself to fall didn't seem right, though. The swirling uncertainty was distracting. You'd been flying safely for how long? Maybe the water was warm. And didn't soaring close to the sun sound fun?

Breaking your wings seemed like a waste. Wasn't it better to learn how to breathe underwater?

People were counting on you, though you weren't sure that you cared much now. They could make it on their own, though, right? They definitely weren't children anymore. Without you, they'd be perfectly fine.

Wouldn't they?

It was tempting to crumble away.

Because as soon as you closed your eyes, the images flooded in. Darkness, whisperings of things so evil they were better off forgotten. Howling shrieks that sent chills down your spine. Not to mention, what you actually saw in the light. Tortured faces, monsters reforming slowly…

They haunted you.

Once you blinked, or blotted out the light, they were suddenly around you. You couldn't tell if they were real or not, even if you tried. But the sounds of pain they made seemed real. The pain ripping at you seemed real.

But the others… They insisted that they weren't. They said you were alright, and everything was fine. It was all lies, telling you what they thought you wanted to hear. You knew that nothing was okay. They just didn't want to hurt you any farther.

You wanted to, though. The fake words they said only made things worse for you. When you heard them whispering the bad things… That was what held you together. When you knew that bad things were happening now, they made the things from the abyss less scary.

When everything was sugar coated, the monsters in the shadows mocked you even more. They told you that everything was falling apart, just like you. While you felt that it was true, it was more torturous coming from them.

The monsters knew what they were doing to you. They knew that they were tearing you to shreds, and no one could help you.

They knew they were driving you to the point of insanity.

And you were powerless to stop it.

What was the point of holding on, though? Why did you do it? Was it for Bianca?

She was dead. That couldn't be changed. Although, she did choose to be reborn. But that changed nothing. She didn't know of you now. So was she really one of the reasons?

What about Hazel?

She's your half-sister. You barely know her. Surely, she isn't important enough for you to hang on.

Percy?

A cousin. Nice fellow. You'd let go of your grudge against him, but there was no denying that you still felt like he killed Bianca. You weren't staying sane for him.

None of them mattered. Was it the quest?

It wasn't yours to handle.

So why put yourself through this?

Insanity seemed nice. It looked much better than what you were dealing with now. The end of the world approaching, monsters in every corner…

It wasn't worth it.

You felt a small smile creep onto your face. Maybe the others were right…

It was time to let go. That was the only way you could make it.

As you felt your mind slipping, everything looked different now. Felt different.

And before you knew it, you were caught in the tides of insanity.


End file.
